


Rocky Horror F1 Show

by fisidrosa



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: AU, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 10:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10897863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fisidrosa/pseuds/fisidrosa
Summary: Originally written for the 2007 Summer Slash "Lights, Cameras, Action' challenge on the F1Slash LiveJournal community.  F1 meets Rocky Horror Picture Show.Ralf and Juan have broken down in the woods, they go looking for help and find so much more...





	Rocky Horror F1 Show

We join our story not at the beginning, nor at the end, more somewhere in the middle. Though maybe nearer the start than the finish. On a dark stormy night somewhere in Hungary, near the Hungaroring race track. Our erstwhile hero Ralf (slut) and his companion this night his former team-mate and love of his life Juan-Pablo (ass-hole) find themselves beside the side of the road staring at their stricken car.

“Oh dear.” Juan giggles, not for the first time since they were ran into by a large male deer, he had run off into the woods, never to be seen again, leaving them with two punctured tyres and only one spare.  
“Juan, concentrate. We need to find a phone or something.” Ralf replied, rolling his eyes, this was clearly all Juan’s fault; it was him driving and him who had left both their bags in the motor-home by mistake.  
“I know. Oh dear!” Juan repeated. It was all he had said since the accident. “I think we passed a castle somewhere back there, we should go there.” He adds, finally finding something more useful to say.

And so they walk, and walk, still bickering along the way until they find themselves standing at a magnificent solid oak door, Juan reaches forward and rattles the knocker after a look from Ralf, both jumping as the door almost immediately creaks open in the way that only big, old doors can manage.  
“Hello.” A bland sounding voice sounds from inside the door, a figure dressed obviously as a butler steps into the light.  
“Pat???” Juan squeaks out, wearing an identical look of shock to Ralf. The butler bears more than a passing resemblance to the Renault technical director. “Our car broke down just up the road, is there a phone we could use to get some help?” He continues a slightly lower pitch in his voice.  
“I think you had better come in.” The butler replies in the same bland tones.  
“Is there a party going on?” Ralf asks, the sound of music drifting through the large hallway as they step through the door.  
“The Master is having one of his, ah, affairs.” They are led through into a ballroom where the party seems to be in full swing. Clinging to one another Ralf and Juan edge around the crowd while the butler joins the crowd, leading them in some sort of dance.  
“Let’s just get out of here while they’re busy. Am sure someone will come along and be able to help us out.” Ralf whispers, eyes cast nervously out at the scene before them.  
“We are here now; we’ll just find who ever is in charge and explain things to them, use the phone and then leave. What harm could there be in staying?” Juan replies, looking startled as the crowd turn almost as one to face them. 

As the crowd stares on a figure begins to descend the stairs beside which our intrepid adventurers are stood, a loud and impassioned cheer rising as the figure appears from the gloom. Stepping into the light the master of the household is revealed - clad in a long black cloak and garish stilettos he smiles, an impeccably made up smile, across the crowd. Ralf faints, impressively caught by Juan as he stares on at the figure.  
“Flavio?” His whisper is lost in the cheers of the party-goers as Flavio joins them on the dance floor, music starting as he walks breaking into song as he reaches the centre of the room.

Torn between horror, revulsion and the temptation to join Ralf in unconsciousness as Flavio continues the song, cloak shed to reveal fishnet stockings and a corset – black naturally – as he declares himself a ‘sweet transvestite’.  
“Have you a phone we could use? Our car is broken, we need to get help.” Juan speaks suddenly, trying not to laugh at the newly awoken Ralf’s look of horror as Flavio turns and stares at the pair.  
“Why don’t you stay for the night? We can get you on your way in the morning.” Flavio leers as he approaches the pair. “I could show you my favourite… obsession, I’ve been making a man, with blonde hair and a tan. And he’s good for relieving my tension.” He continues with a smirk, before returning to the crowd and his song.

With seemingly no other choice the pair is pushed along at the front of the group of guests, the butler leading the way into a large laboratory where Flavio is already waiting. Stood beside a large tank he is staring intently, almost lovingly at the figure laid perfectly still at the bottom. Once everyone is assembled the servants turn their attention to the many machines strewn across the back of the room, pressing buttons and flipping levers as Flavio directs a strange mix between conductor of an orchestra and mad scientist. Ralf once more clings to Juan, pressing himself close in a way that would, in any other situation, turn the other man on immensely as they watch with horror. The lights flicker alarmingly as the activity grows to a crescendo, the lab being plunged into darkness for a few long seconds. When the lights return, the figure is being lifted from the tank and placed in front of Flavio. At his nod a pair of servants start to unwrap the bandaging around him, starting at the bottom and working their way up, each revealed limb causing Flavio to make an obscene sounding sigh of pleasure and cheers to come from the crowd.  
“Heikki!” Ralf gasps, shocked as the figure is completely revealed. Juan earning himself an elbow in the ribs as he joins in the cheering, lust obvious in his eyes.  
“Beautiful.” Flavio exclaims, studying his creation from all angles as he stands there wearing nothing but a pair of tight gold shorts and a lost and bewildered look on his face. Music appears as if from no where as Flavio escorts Heikki around the room, showing him off to the assorted guests and slapping away any hands that dare to reach out to touch the figure. A party atmosphere returns as the servants bring out gifts for the new ‘creation’ prompting a smile from Heikki and more declarations of joy from Flavio.

Silence falls as a door off the side of the laboratory opens, cold steam flowing out into the room followed quickly by a motorbike ridden by a leather clad figure.  
‘Fernando?’ Ralf and Juan mouth at each other as the newcomer climbs off the bike, being swept into an enthusiastic hug by one of the servants as the remaining guests look on, some in shock and some with delight. It is obvious this isn’t his first visit to the lab.  
A shocked cry draws the attention to the back of the room, the butler clinging to a struggling Heikki as Flavio raises a pick-axe, crying out what can only be described as a random vowel sound as he buries the axe deep into the back of Fernando’s head.  
Ralf screams, and screams, and screams…  
__  
And screams, and screams.  
“Ralf, wake up.” Juan mutters, shaking the screaming form beside him. Ralf’s eyes snap open, staring blankly at the ceiling panting slightly.  
“God.” He gasps, voice shaking slightly. “There was a castle and Flavio and Heikki and God, he killed Fernando.” He sits up suddenly.  
“Relax, come back to bed.” Juan curls himself around Ralf’s back, hands running over his body meant to soothe more than anything else, pressing a soft kiss onto his shoulder. “It was just a dream.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is ages old but to this date remains my favourite of all the stuff I have written. The challenge was a film crossover, and you had to fit in at least one line of original dialogue. 
> 
> I want to get into writing and posting more. Hopefully this is just the start.


End file.
